This evening Adam said to me a million things he should have said to me while we were still together. He told me all the little romantic confessions I should have been able to hear when I was still his loving, loyal girlfriend.

It is not fair that only now do I find out how unequivocally and unconditionally he loves me. Only now, when my head is screwed on all wrong. My heartstrings pull me towards people who have no intention of loving me even nearly half as much as Adam does. I know this, yet still I do not resist the pull. Still I have not learned.

He asked me to let him pick me and Nova up tonight and take us back to San Jose for the rest of the weekend. I told him no. I have a feeling I might have just made the worst mistake of my life.

But I sure hope not. I sure hope I will be given another chance to resist the pull. Next time I swear I will be smarter, or stronger, or whatever I need to be in order to not fuck up the next time.