Tonight was a scary night. I had to deal with myself tonight, with no help from anybody or anything. It was very difficult and very saddening. I have a feeling that there will be many more moments like that throughout my time here. But inexplicably, I also have the feeling that sooner or later (preferably sooner), I will learn how to fight them off.

I’m going to have to. I have no choice.

Let me rephrase: I have a choice, but I am not giving myself another option. This has to be the way things go.