The highlight of my day was definitely Chipotle for lunch. I <3 you, Chipotle!

I’ve been sick with the flu (yucky) and had to miss the only 8-hour shift I had this week on Sunday. I’m finally starting to get better. It’s nice to have some energy and a slight sense of taste and smell again.

I’m drinking homemade iced tea.

I went in to work this evening, couldn’t find myself on the daily schedule, then realized I’d misread the weekly and that I close tomorrow night and not tonight. Which was actually pretty cool because now I’m relaxing at home in my jammies with Nova, who is dressed up in a sweet princess costume that I would post here if I could take pictures. I need a picture-taking device (I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before).

I don’t have anything else to write about. I’m feeling particuarly picky today.

explodingdog:

warm coffee before I go outside

GPOY.

I went to my old workplace this morning to drink a raspberry white chocolate mocha and watch a puppet show my co-workers were putting on. It was cute and I miss working there. I would come back in a heartbeat if… certain things at the store changed.

Then I went shopping at Marshalls with the gift card my sister gave me for Christmas. I was there for an hour and a half, walking around trying to decide what to get, picking things up and putting them back, until I ended up with just a simple gray tank top and a lacy scarf. Which is why I shop by myself: I am super indecisive and perfectionistic and I take ages just to end up buying only a few things. Anyone who comes along quickly becomes cranky and impatient. (Prime examples: My daughter and my boyfriend. Neither of them were happy with me when I dragged them along to Macy’s yesterday.)

Nevertheless, I am proud of my purchases. They were necessary AND stylish. Score!

After a nice music-filled public transport home, I went for a run and ran 30 minutes straight. Not bad for not going for a run in… oh I don’t know how many months. Lots. More than I can accurately remember.

Water tastes so good after exercise.

Now I shall shower and maybe journal a bit and get my things ready to spend the weekend in Gilroy with my sister and nieces. We will have required morning coffee time out in the backyard with the amazing view and the non-wintry weather and I will eat good food in the evenings because my stepmom is going to cook delicious meals and my daughter will get to play with her cousins and there’ll be lots of laughter and happy fun times all around.

I need to break my run-on sentence habit.

I can only faintly recall the half-asleep tug at the blankets
and the grasp for warmth,
or the semi-conscious loneliness
and how big the king size mattress felt
when it only accommodated one.

I have vague memories of
how long the nights were,
how desperate I was to avoid dreaming
in fear of the unpleasant.

I can sort of remember
how late I slept in when I was allowed;
the morning light seeping in through my curtainless window,
my mind fighting to stay asleep
where grogginess kept my thoughts
sweet and irrelevant.

I take it back.

I guess I remember it pretty well.

Loneliness creeps in like a fog.

I need to remember to drink water with my coffee. These shakes and headaches are NOT COOL.

On the bright side, I feel like being productive and creative. I want to clean my room and then make some music. My guitar doesn’t get enough love these days.

I am really glad that it’s 2012. I want to make this year a good year. I didn’t really think about resolutions — in fact, I forgot about making those and didn’t remember until yesterday, but it doesn’t matter because any day is a good day for a resolution. Here are some of mine:

• Play more guitar
• Eat more healthy (healthily?)
• Less Internet
• More RL
• More writing
• More reflecting
• Spend more days outdoors
• Nourish my creativity
• Stop ignoring my conscience
• (Stealing this one from my best friend:) Live more presently

I’m sure there are a ton of things I can add to that list but I’m sure they will reveal themselves as I blog through the year (which, of course, is another resolution).

I just want to treat myself with the love and respect I should have been treating myself with for the past couple of years but lost somewhere along the way. I want to find that self-love again. There is nothing more important than that.

Cellos, they give me the chills. In a good way.

Christmas was fantastic. I got to spend time with (mostly) all of my loved ones, I had yummy dinner cooked by my amazing stepmom, and I got an AWESOME new winter coat from Griffin. Hooray! I feel so damn happy about it. I read online about all the tons of new and shiny and probably expensive gifts that people got, and I am so perfectly content with my one new gift for this year. I think that’s a feeling to be proud of.

There are things to say but there is no appropriate way to begin.